SOCIAL
SECURITY SEX
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh,
nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social
Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little
each month, but not enough to live on!"
LOUD SEX
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've
got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed
and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting
yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's
completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The
problem is," she complained, "It wakes me
up!"
QUIET SEX
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came
right out and asked his wife during a
recent lovemaking
session, "How
come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She
glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never
home!"
CONFOUNDED SEX
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was
mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured
him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood,
but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery,
since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the
cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium,
$14,000 for "large." The man was sure he
would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged
him to talk it over with his wife before he made any
decision. The man called his wife on the phone and
explained their options. The doctor came back into
the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well,
what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
A
husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on
the day
of their 40th
wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When
you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Wife - Cold
As Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When
you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
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