I Get NO Respect !

© Orion Pictures, ZUMA Press

Rodney Dangerfield may not have gotten respect but he sure got alot of laughs. Here's some of the all time favorites !!

--If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all.

--And we were poor too. Why if I wasn't born a boy I'd have nothing to play with.

--Its been a rough day. I got up this morning put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

--I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

--Once when I was lost. I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him 'Do you think we'll ever find them?' He said 'I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide.'

--My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

--I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.

--I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

--My wife was afraid of the dark...then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

--When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

--I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it.

--My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

--My sex life? Are you kiddin'? My sex life is like tryin' to shoot pool with a rope.

--I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.

Pass the fun quotes on to everyone on your email list and don't let Rodney's laughter die out!!