The Mens' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to
write this all down. Finally, the guys'
side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear "the rules" from the
female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are our rules!

Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.

Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we
are never going to think of it that way.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable
answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways and
one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how
you want it done. Not both. If you already know
best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever
you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need
directions and neither do we.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act
like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is
just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want
an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

When we have to go somewhere,
absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about
unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as baseball,
the shotgun formation, or mo