Dear Billy Joe Bob,
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't
live where we did when you left home. Your Pa read in the newspaper
that most accidents happen within 20 minutes of your home, so
we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the
last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved
so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. I even has a washing machine. I'm not sure
it works so well, though. Last week I put a load of clothes in
and pulled the chain, we haven't seen it since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first
time for three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Bubba said it would
be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut
them off and put them in the pockets.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because
it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it
is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks
just like your brother.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to
pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated;
he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was
driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other
two friends were in the back, they drowned because they couldn't
get the tailgate down.
Love and kisses,
Your favorite aunt
Description: A funny letter from a redneck family.
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